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Should I change creche?

Question:

I'd be interested in getting opinions on this one. My son has been in the same creche for 18 months now and is happy in it. It's near my work which up until now has been handy. Thing is, I'm expecting end of June and will be on mat leave from June 6th and I've been thinking about how I'll get ds to creche while I'm on leave til next Feb 2012.
Taking him out is not an option. He loves the routine of it and I really don't feel I'd have the time to give him when baby is born so I think while we can afford it, we'll keep him in full time for at least the first month or two.
Getting into the car with the new baby in tow to face the morning traffic and drive him up to creche (about 5 miles away) really doesn't appeal to me as I remember how sleepless nights were and how exhausted you are in the morning..Dh cant bring him as it's totally the opposite way to his work.
So, I've been thinking the best option would be to change him to a creche I can walk him up to in the morning and collect him from in the afternoon. Thing is, his present creche manager reckons it will be really disruptive on him and that he doesn't take to change very well. I know that's true which is why I said I would be moving him next month, well before dd is due, to minimise big changes all at once in his life. One of the other mothers made a remark jokingly today that got to me when she was chatting to the manager about how I was "too lazy" to keep him where he is..I've felt worse since hearing that as I've been wracked with guilt about this decision.
I should add that I suffered severe PND on ds which is why I'm trying to set things up that I won't be under any unnecessary extra tiredness and stress, to minimise the risks of it occuring again..
What do you think?
Answers:
Was it the other mother or the manager that said you were lazy? I don't think you should put too much weight on the manager's opinion - she is hardly going to say that she thinks you should move him as it will mean a loss of business for her.
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How about paying someone a small fee to take him in the mornings... just until your baby is a little bit older?
I agree with this, her numbers are probably down since the recession but if you think it will be really disruptive on him I think Id leave him be.
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It was the other mother that said that. Tbh I actually think the manager isn't worried about the loss of business-she is genuinely concerned about ds. I hope so anyway!
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i'm thinkg the childminder option wouldn't work as he has been so used to the "class" situation of the creche and loves the social part of it. Anyway, that would be as big a change really..
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How about checking to see if any of his creche friends are neighbours and trying to get him collected.
Or else you could drop him at 11 ish and avoid the traffic.
I wouldn't move him to another creche - too much change.
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Children adapt, so if you really think it will not work for you then change creche. However, so much else in his little world will change, so if at all possible Id leave him where he is. Instead of moving, I'd maybe adapt his hours, perhaps reducing to 3 days, or starting later perhaps.
You could always advertise or ask around for someone to drop him and collect him for a few weeks either?
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Sorry I didnt mean a childminder I meant someone to bring him to the creche for you? One of the other mams might be interested in doing it... you could ask the manger to ask around for you
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Do you know if you would you leave him in the new creche or move him back to his current creche when you go back to work?
After the first couple of months, will he be going to the new creche for some portion of the week? Or will you have him at home full time?
If you can decide on these questions, then the answer may br clearer for you.
Children do adapt, but moving your LO for essentially a few weeks might be tough for him.
Not easy, as you must look after yourself too.
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Hi The Wife
TBH I would leave him where he is. Sounds happy & content there & he will already have the massive change of a sibling in the house. I know the drive seems like a trek but you & babs will be back from it before you know it & you can rest then if necessary.
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I mOved dd1 to a Creche within walking distance of home when pregnant with dd2. She was 2 years 3 months. Dd2 was born five months later. It was grand. Was really worried about her adapting as I really loved the first Creche. Within a week she was settled - and she is a very shy child. It's so much handier not driving half an hour to a Creche.
Has he special needs or something that the manager thinks he don't adapt?
I would move him sooner rather than later though if you are due in June.
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I agree. I kept DD1 in her crèche far too long to avoid the disruption to her. Instead I massively inconvenienced myself for almost 18 months.
Do it now well before you maternity leave.
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I suppose that's what it all boils down to doesn't it..Inconvenience myself or cause (temporary) disruption to my son..It's so difficult. Us mums find it very hard to put ourselves before our kids don't we?
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Is it traffic or distance that's the problem? Or just all the hassle of loading everyone into the car?
I kept my girls in their creche. It's beside where I work and a pain to get to in traffic. We get up at the usual time (around 7.00am) but potter at home together until 9.45am or thereabouts, and then go to creche. No traffic, no problem. They really enjoy the morning at home with their brother, playing or whatever, in the depths of Winter I did let them watch Cbeebies (bad, bad mammy) but they don't bother now. They go in whenever it suits me, if I am feeding DS then we wait, if he's asleep then we wait. It's all very relaxed. I'd say the girls in the Montessori room are fit to kill me because the monti work begins at 9.30, but I'll live
We sort of fell into this routine, but it's lovely, and my stress levels are very low, which is nice.
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I suppose that's what it all boils down to doesn't it..Inconvenience myself or cause (temporary) disruption to my son..It's so difficult. Us mums find it very hard to put ourselves before our kids don't we?
True. But am seeing a big advantage now that dd1 is starting school in September. She will know a few if the girls going to school - will definitely help with that much bigger transition.
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Hi again
From what you say here, I'd move him now.
He's going to move anyway (for Montessori), you are only bringing it forward a bit. And it's only one move.
You are also going to be able to give him 100% support for the next couple of months til he settles in - as your time will be more limited when new baba comes along.
Being able to walk down the road for a couple of mins to bring him will be an absolute godsend. And it'll get you out of the house for a bit of fresh air too.
He might have settling in problems... but he might not. If you build it as an exciting move and an adventure, he's going to be much more positive about it than if you are outwardly concerned that he won't be able to settle easily.
Don't forget that the new creche staff will be there to help him settle.
TBH moving him sounds best for you too... you don't need the whole car thing if you can avoid it. I had sections with my 2, and couldn't drive for 6 weeks. Thank god DD1's montessori was in walking distance or she wouldn't have been able to go most days.
Best of luck with your decision. I know it's hard if he's happy where he is now, but he can be happy in the new place too. I have been exactly in that place - and the new creche worked out fine
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Given that you were going to move him to the local montessori before school anyway, I'd probably move him now. Just to point out though, I had great intentions of taking ds to the creche every day when dd was born, but it actually really upset him - I think he felt like he was being excluded. I stopped after a while and (although the creche was very close) we were all a lot more relaxed. Just be prepared for this possibility also.
C.
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What do you plan to do when you go back to work with babs 2, is the creche near work more convenient, if so that would influence my decision. I think its very different heading to the creche at a time that suits you rather than facing morning traffic, work etc. I would leave him where he is if you plan to go back to work.
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Hi again,
I've been thinking about you for the past while. The answers you gave regarding what would happen in the long term mean that you have clearly thought about this a lot, researched and made the decision.
That stupid woman with the 'lazy' comment is to be ignored. It's all too easy to let silly comments make you doubt yourself. You already know that moving your LO to a new creche, where he'll stay until he goes to school with the new friends he'll make there, is the right thing for you - so just go for it and ignore the comments.
After all, someone could just as easily say 'why would you drive 20 miles a day with a baby when there's a lovely place at the end of the road'. Which is what you must have already thought!
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Could u maybe drop him a little later in the morning, when traffic wouldn be as heavy ?
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if you were going to move him anyway for playschool then DEFO move him now. the sooner the better really as the younger they are the quicker they move on in my opinion. theres no way I'd be doing that drive I kept my ds in creche 3 days as well when dd was born it was invaluable to have that time with DD & be able to get things done & rest while she slept. we moved house when DS was 3 & I was dreading the whole 'new creche' thing but after a week he never mentioned it & after about a month if i mentioned a minder or child from the creche where he'd been since he was 10 mths - he just looked blankly at me!
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Thank you all sincerely for your advice. After posting last night I had a long chat (and a good cry!) with my husband who basically made me see that I was not doing any wrong by our son by moving him-I am simply trying to make things easier on all of us, which in turn will help our son in the long term. He is a small child and they do adapt to new situations. It'll just be a new chapter in his life and I can't protect him forever from change.
So, decision is made. I will change him out of the creche in May. Hopefully to another creche, but if financially a childminder would be better, so be it. He will be ok whatever happens.
Thanks again especially to ElizaBennettDarcy who seemed to give my problem a lot of consideration and thought. Im very grateful
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Good to see you've made your decision. Was going to say it'll probably be harder on you than on him
I had to move mine (2 of them) and my head was wrecked for months beforehand wondering will I wont I... they asked once about the previous place and that was it and they settled in no time.

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